Bring This Essay To Your Next Gun Fight

Police have a tough job.

It’s not a particularly high-paying career, especially starting out. You’re expected to deal with people who dislike and distrust you for no good reason, other than that you’re an authority figure. The work is physically demanding and mentally stressful, and there’s a chance you’ll get shot in the line of duty.

Sorry, did I say police? This was supposed to be my description for teacher. I’ve been doing this for 26 years, and I “accidentally” drew one rhetorical weapon when I meant to grab another. But I guess this works pretty well for cops, too.

It seems that cops are getting a bad rap lately, and while we can debate the reason, one possibility is their propensity to kill unarmed people.

While I can’t personally fix that, I can sell you some rhetorical ammunition without a thorough background check. Use the ideas here for your next family dinner, Reddit conversation, or wherever else you might encounter a bootlicker on whom you’d like to viciously dunk.

1. Heavily Armed Apples

A common assertion of the “we don’t actually know any Black people” class is that “ a few bad apples “ are spoiling our collective perception of the bunch. The problem with that argument, however, is twofold.

First, “he was just a bad apple” is cold comfort when you just got shot in the chest by an apple. And with apple-involved killings at an all-time high, it’s starting to…