Dear Mr. President, It’s Not Us — It’s You

Several years ago, I read an interesting take on the purpose of marriage. It has stuck with me ever since. I wish I could find the original, but my ex-wife took it in the divorce. Here’s the gist:

Marriage isn’t meant to make you happy, it just makes you married. Being happy is your responsibility. But from the foundation of a good and stable relationship, you can seek your personal happiness instead of spending your energy seeking a mate.

It’s no one else’s responsibility to make you happy. No one can “make” another person happy. Your mate might make you happier. But in the end, your emotional state isn’t your partner’s responsibility. It’s yours. And it’s likewise not your partner’s fault if you’re miserable. Of course, it may not be yours, either. But your emotional state is still your responsibility and yours alone.

Remember, I’m talking about “good and stable” relationships. But even in awful relationships, you are still responsible for your own emotional well-being… up to and including fixing (or leaving) your crappy relationship.

Use your relationship as a stable home base while you swim around to find out what’s actually missing in your life. But if your home base isn’t stable, fix that first. Or find a new home base.

Onward to politics. What, you thought I was just going to give you unsolicited life advice? Ha!

I just finished Trumpocracy by David Frum. It’s an interesting book. Mr. Frum looks at the…