It’s My God-Given Right To Marginalize Your Dumb Ass For Being A Gun-Nut

Every time a mass shooting happens, I chime in with my predictable spare change:

• “You can’t have an Apache helicopter or an M1 Abrams tank, so why not move that sensible line to say you can’t have [insert whatever we decide on here] either?”
• “You’re afraid of tyranny, and you plan to stop its rise with a semi-automatic rifle? I want to introduce you to my friends, the United States Marine Corps. They’re going to calmly and efficiently kill all of you on Day 1 of the coup.”
• “You’re a bunch of fucking inbred assholes.”
• “If the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun, how did those Republican congressmen get ambushed while they played baseball?”
• “Have I mentioned you’re a bunch of sister-fucking assholes?”
• “Okay, you think it’s a mental illness problem? Let’s fund mental illness diagnosis and treatment. No? Yeah, I didn’t think so.”
• “It’s not a slippery slope if we don’t let it become one. Remember when they instituted the 55 mph speed limit? Yeah, we’re not all standing still on the freeway now, are we?”
• “Serious, just fuck you all.”

I’m a fairly smart person, a professionally trained arguer with high emotional intelligence, and I won a contest once for being the most humble person around. I totally CRUSHED that competition. I am pretty good at getting people to see…