Happy End of Daylight Saving Time!
Thank goodness it has finally ended. The post-work sunshine was starting to interfere with my allotted hours of solitary introspection. Besides, what’s the point of the sun when my fields lie fallow and I shan’t plant again until the raven’s ca-caw at Spring’s first light! You know, those fields I tend from my apartment and such.
This time of year, I like to settle in with my sleeping cap firmly upon my head and drift off to peaceful slumber in the 4:30 pm darkness. Sure, it’s terrifying for my Uber passengers, but those control freaks need to take that up with their therapists. Or maybe choose an Uber that doesn’t have a sleeping-cap-wearing driver.
Apparently, some people in The Swamp™ are attempting to scrap our sacred winter tradition of exacerbating everyone’s Seasonal Affective Disorder.
I would make a joke about how SAD that is, but such a joke would be a truly sad use of my literary skills. Plus, I’m presently weeping in a Panera Bread because it’s dark at 4:30 pm, and it’s hard to see my laptop’s screen through my seasonally-generated tears. I’d go cry at home, but home doesn’t have free Diet Pepsi refills.
Yes, there are people in Congress on the “Big Sunshine” payroll that think daylight is our nation’s biggest priority right now.
Health care? Nah.
Preserving women’s right to bodily autonomy? Nope.
Fixing inflation? Fuck that, and fuck you for wanting silly trifles like “affordable bread” that doesn’t require mountains of “devalued cash” you bring to Safeway in a rusty old “wheelbarrow.”
Manually tricking ourselves into thinking the Sun stays up for an extra hour?
BY GOD, THAT’S IT!
Well, “that’s it,” except for the fact that in true Congressional fashion, they failed to get that done. So, it seems permanent Daylight Saving Time will just have to join women’s rights and other things deemed not important enough to address right now.
Where does the idea of messing with the clocks come from?
It might surprise you to learn that the concept of DST was proposed satirically by Benjamin Franklin in 1784 as a means of conserving candles.