Yesterday was Thanksgiving here in the USA. If you’re reading this at another time of the year, that’s okay as long as you accompany the essay with some leftover turkey. It can be deli turkey. I know getting an entire roast turkey in June is difficult.
I’m grateful for a lot of things, in both November and June. The rest of the year? I sway between (1) utter disdain for my circumstance and acquaintances and (2) disdain that is slightly less utter. But today, given the crisp fall or drippy summer air, I’m feeling especially reflective. That’s probably just the sweat and turkey grease giving me a healthy sheen.
But in addition to being glossy, I’m also thinking back on the year and all the things for which I’m grateful. I’ll share a few with you here.
I’m grateful for my health.
I’m 46 years old, which means I’ve successfully dodged death for a while now. Those years have been filled with ridiculously dangerous activities, not the least of which is “existing in the United States.”
Tens of thousands of carcinogenic processed food-shaped items have made their way into my gullet. I’ve been the recipient and flipper of many birds along our nation’s lawless and maintenance-less roads.
But most scarily of all, I’ve been known to venture into inherently unsafe places like elementary schools, high schools, movie theaters, nightclubs, parades, Walmart, universities, churches, synagogues, and grocery stores.
The fact that I’m still alive is a testament to luck and determination. Luck did all the heavy lifting, to be clear. But apparently, God also wants to continue to inflict my nonsense-wrapped wisdom upon all of you.
“God’s not done with me yet,” is a reference to the undercooked, gooey center of my frontal lobe. It’s firming up, just give it time.
I’m grateful for my family, my dog, and my friends.
The vast majority of people with whom I share DNA have rejected common sense and kept me in their lives. My instinct is to dissect that, but I’ll skip it and just offer my gratitude. Through countless ventures and misadventures, they’ve continued to love me. More impressive, they’ve relentlessly taken…