PinnedMember-onlyA Humble RecommendationGun violence is rampant, and other than restricting access to firearms — an absolute nonstarter — there’s simply nothing we can do about it. Not a single sensible answer exists. Which is why we have to abandon sensibility and latch on to some good ol’ fashioned American hardscrabble ingenuity. We have to start killing our own children. As…Gun Violence5 min readGun Violence5 min read
Nov 25, 2022Member-onlyOn Being Grateful And Not Dead YetYesterday was Thanksgiving here in the USA. If you’re reading this at another time of the year, that’s okay as long as you accompany the essay with some leftover turkey. It can be deli turkey. I know getting an entire roast turkey in June is difficult. I’m grateful for a…Gratitude5 min readGratitude5 min read
Nov 21, 2022Member-onlyThe Only Thing We Have To Fear Is Hunter BidenThe key to solving inflation, immigration, crime, fentanyl, gay marriage, abortion, sex trafficking, and transgender people using restrooms is simple: We must investigate Hunter Biden. I know what you’re thinking: what does Hunter Biden have to do with any of these real and imagined problems the ascendant Republican majority promised to address? Isn’t this just…Hunter Biden6 min readHunter Biden6 min read
Nov 17, 2022Member-onlyProvocatively Combining Words For Fun And Zero Profit“If you wrote something a while back, but haven’t written anything lately, you’re not a writer. You’re someone who has written.” I heard someone say this online recently. I thought it was odd that this unfamiliar dude would call me out personally in front of everyone like that. Typical anonymous…Writing3 min readWriting3 min read
Nov 11, 2022Member-onlyLife Is What Happens While You’re Busy Watching Big Cats Get Busy“I’m pretty sure no one here has a single clue as to what they’re doing.” Somewhere between the third and eighth security check, my negativity went from frustration to sadness to anger. It made scheduled on-time stops at “what the fuck?” and “you’ve got to be kidding me!” I’m immensely…Humor8 min readHumor8 min read
Nov 7, 2022Member-onlyLook, How About You Save Your Daylight For Someone Who Actually Cares?Happy End of Daylight Saving Time! Thank goodness it has finally ended. The post-work sunshine was starting to interfere with my allotted hours of solitary introspection. Besides, what’s the point of the sun when my fields lie fallow and I shan’t plant again until the raven’s ca-caw at Spring’s first…Daylight Saving Time5 min readDaylight Saving Time5 min read
Nov 4, 2022Member-onlyA Billionaire And A Gay Prostitute Walk Into The Public Square…Recently, a deranged Canadian immigrant attempted to upend the government of the United States by means of violence. I mean, a deranged Canadian immigrant other than Ted Cruz, though that would have been a solid guess. No, I’m talking about a different cuckoo Canuck, and I’ll be damned if I’m…Politics9 min readPolitics9 min read
Published inThe Haven·May 17, 2021Member-only3 Uniquely American Ways To Get In ShapeAmerica, we’re in a full-fledged public health crisis. We skipped straight past partial fledging on this one. One out of every three people in the US suffers from obesity, and another third of us is overweight. The final third is made up of people who’ve clearly never tried Costco pizza…Humor6 min readHumor6 min read
Published inWriters’ Blokke·May 13, 2021Member-onlyYou Must Believe You Can Catch The FlyMy dog, Lemmy, is obsessed with flies. It’s beautiful these days in Northern Virginia, where Lemmy resides. To that end, I find myself working from our balcony and leaving the door open. I enjoy the fresh air. And the constant roar of Reagan National Airport reminds me of a simpler…Funny3 min readFunny3 min read
May 13, 2021Wow! Wild shades of a modern day Modest Proposal. Well done!201Michael Burg, MD (Satire Sommelier)Thank you so much!Thank you so much! When I first published it (maybe 2 years ago, elsewhere), I wrote it under the joking pen name "Johnny Quick," just to further nod to the inspiration. Glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for the follow!1 min read1 min read
