America, we’re in a full-fledged public health crisis. We skipped straight past partial fledging on this one. One out of every three people in the US suffers from obesity, and another third of us is overweight. The final third is made up of people who’ve clearly never tried Costco pizza…

My dog, Lemmy, is obsessed with flies. It’s beautiful these days in Northern Virginia, where Lemmy resides. To that end, I find myself working from our balcony and leaving the door open. I enjoy the fresh air. And the constant roar of Reagan National Airport reminds me of a simpler…

“Is it just me, or is that really stupid?” The lady gestured broadly toward the six adults chatting across the dog park. I had been thinking the same thing and found myself catapulted onto my feet like I’d been swept up at a tent revival. …

Police have a tough job. It’s not a particularly high-paying career, especially starting out. You’re expected to deal with people who dislike and distrust you for no good reason, other than that you’re an authority figure. …

I’ve done it. I have invented a machine that gives you the power to change your race. I know! I am as surprised as you are, given my complete lack of scientific and technical knowledge. But now, with the mere push of a button, you will no longer remain confined…

I’m an American, and that means a few things. It means I’m self-made. Everything in my life was crafted from three simple ingredients: my two hands and a lot of hard work. I won’t take any guff from a communist like you who relies on “big government” for sustenance. …

If you drive through the coastal plains of Texas, you’ll see a few standard images. Cows behind barbed wire fences. Gas station and barbecue restaurant combos. …

“Imagine” is a catchy tune about the pitfalls of religion and materialism, written by a guy who got filthy rich selling jangly three-minute pop songs about love and walruses and shit. That sentence is a good summation of my bitterness as of late. I’m having a hard time enjoying much…